To let the disease win
After such a long time, wouldn’t that be a sin
I’m trying to remember that it is a bout
Although all I want to do is cry and shout
Because in you I trust to get me to a healthier space
I’ve made the phone call, my thoughts in an attempt to displace
Will this strategy be effective?
Will it invoke a change is perspective?
I know that you will not lead me astray
These vivid nightmares I wish will stop I pray
To get to the bottom of what is bothering me down deep
My safety, my sanity, my freedom I wish to keep
For I believe you will discover the link
Of what it is I am trying to express or think
To me it is the bad dreams that I recall
I will not empower them though I wish to end it all
Engaging is self-injury and suicidal ideation
I wish to partake in burning myself, a form of ablation
To continue to fight against flashbacks
I will not give in to these negative attacks
Though I wish the physical and emotional pain to end
This is not the final message I wish to send
To be happy I do not want to pretend
May I finally heal and begin to mend
I want to know that these feelings will be a thing of the past
That tomorrow will bring relief at last
For now I will find a safe place to be
Another day, things will be different hopefully – I’ll just wait and see
Thank you for all the sound advice
With myself I desire to be gentle and nice
And with these closing thoughts I’ll say good night
For I have not given in, instead I have put up a good fight
Tomorrow is my Mom’s birthday
I miss her so much in heaven, to her my best I say
It is difficult to say goodbye
Maybe that’s the real reason I wish to die
Now I find myself crying
For these reasons, I will continue trying
10:06pm
09/15/2010
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