Donna's Poetry: 2010

It is What It is

Posted by Donna | Labels: Grandma, Love, Tree

Short and sweet

She likes things neat

Has a lot of problems with her feet

She cleans when there is no dust

She's afraid the metal is going to rust

Every Thursday, it's a must

Sweeps the outside hall

Changes the curtains in the fall

Only stops temporarily to answer a call

She's set in her ways, you see
She loves to drink iced tea

Tries to find something to do to keep herself busy

Her love is never ending

Our relationship needs no mending

It's my heart and soul right now that I'm sending

Grandma, you mean the world to me

I'd do anything to see you happy

Glad you're on top of the family tree

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All Smiles

Posted by Donna | Labels: Daughter, Mom, Nostalgic, Smile

I smile every time I hear your voice

Remembering all the good times, I do rejoice

Being with you was always my first choice

Growing up, we gave each other nicknames

We played Monopoly, Boggle, Trouble and other games

Now my lasting memories are captured in picture frames

For words, I am at a loss

Your trinkets, daily, I come across

One’s a sign that says, “I’m the boss”

Though you were much older than me

This fact I did not see

For you always treated me equally

Much comfort and love you provided

My deepest secrets, to you, I confided

To be exactly like you, I have aspired

I still recall each good night’s kiss

Mom, it’s you, whom I truly miss

My closing thoughts, I’ll end with this

Each day goes by and I can grin

Because I treasure what you have instilled within

Mom, I love you, and I’ll see you up in Heaven

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PATCHING UP THE WHOLE OF MY LIFE

Posted by Donna |

[Anaphylactic Shock and In a coma, unconscious from hypothermia, hit by a car]

The three times I nearly died,

For myself have I cried;

Have I even tried.

Setting boundaries and saying “no”

The old ingrained habits of always agreeing-I want to let go.

Healthy relationships will be my focus to nurture and grow.

My own interests and hobbies placed first, a priority I will come to know

Self soothe and effectiveness, second nature I desire them to take hold and sow.

The loss of my mother I will start to grieve

All the pent up emotions, I can not believe

The pain I have been harboring, I will learn to alieve

Memories not lost but held forever, a sense of calm and reprieve

False accusations that were made by mistake

Brought up relenting anger, an intense emotion of which I can not take.

Forgiveness, forgetting, did not partake,

How I wish acceptance I could apply for my sake.

Reliance on others is difficult to face

Having my independence be taken away by health conditions, I can not erase.

The limitations, if only I could predict, affect all time and space.

Now I choose to honor my body, allow it to recover, at its own pace.

By Donna

6-18-2010

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FORGET ME KNOT

Posted by Donna |

Upon waking from a coma to hear the worst,

My mother had four heart attacks, thirty minutes life span was expected, with this news I was horst!

No time to process the feeling,

As I awaited emergency medical clearance, I prayed to the ceiling.

Dear God, give me the chance to say good-bye,

Please let me express my love before she die.

Encountering bureaucratic red tape and delays,

Anxiously I waited, in a haze.

Thank the Lord I as able to see her and be stole my praise,

For she did not pass away until five more days!

Angels were with me as I asked;

Emotions of gratitude, sorrow, relief and disbelief I basked.

She is not truly gone,

For in my memory she will always live on!

By Donna

09/10/2010

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AN ILLUSION OF CONFUSION

Posted by Donna |

I wish I could forget a psychotic bout

In which paranoia caused me to hear others shout!

Having vivid hallucinations that I thought were real

Would shaken my Faith and have me pray and kneel.

To this day I am traumatized and need therapy and time to heal

Strong emotions of fear and fright, I continue to feel.

Losing my mind has always been my greatest fear

This incident, detailed and scary, five years ago, still seems so near.

Alone and distanced from my usual support system,

I felt as if everyone was against me, it was either I or them.

Thanks to medication, doctors’ intervention, and time passing along

Today I would not change anything for it makes me the person I am, beautiful and strong.

By Donna

09/10/2010

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TECHNICOLOR

Posted by Donna |

What I heard is what I saw

In beautiful color one and all!

The noise was not that, but that of sound!

The mist was not haze, but fresh morning dew all around!

The insects were not buzzing, but humming a song!

My morning walk was not an effort, I just strolled along!

I realized as I came to the bend

That my day, these insights, they did not have to end.

It is a matter of perspective, the way I choose

To look at things, whether I decide to win or lose.

To this it empowers me the ability to select my journey.

It gives me the option, the choice, to be the person I want to be, thanks

to DBT.

7-7-2010

Donna

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SUMMARY OF EB SUPPORT GROUP POEM (09-11-10)

Posted by Donna |

Often times with an eating disorder, I tend to ruminate

Internal conversations turn into a two-sided debate!

Will I choose what is familiar, what is known

Or will I take a risk and go outside my comfort zone?

For doing what I have always done

Has a set and predictable outcome.

Deciding if I should take a chance and trust

Although uneasy and frightening, to move forward, then I must.

By stepping back and taking a different perspective

I allowed myself not to succumb to ED’s directive.

Though at first I was puzzled with many quandaries

I realized to grow, it was necessary to expand my boundaries.

Now I am glad that, my rigid rules, I stepped outside

My racing heart and rapid pulse did eventually subside

The doubt I had has now turned into pride

Thank you to one and all for allowing me to confide!

By Donna

9.11.2010

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PROCESS TO PROGRESS 2

Posted by Donna |

I have no identity of my own

To be my authentic self, my cover would be blown

It’s a facade of whom everybody’s told me to be

What’s underneath; what’s to see, what’s really me?

My feelings, if I can get in touch

I’m fearful they will come pouring out, too much

They would be tumbled; jumbled, and come out all mumbled.

The feelings that were numb for so long

Come poking out like the sharp points of the prong.

If only there was a way to manage the floodgate

Not to ignore or erase, but to control and modulate.

The skills here today I learned to help me cope

I will take with me, practice, and hold on to hope.

Donna

06-18-2010

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MY DREAM HOME

Posted by Donna |

…is one with open communication

That provides encouragement to foster my imagination

…is a neat, tidy, and organized space

To call my very own place

…is one filled with abundant love

Exuding gratitude and appreciation for all the above

…is a safety zone

Where I can go if I need to be alone

…is a place of comfort providing refuge

Size not mattering whether it is small or huge

…is where I can go and rest

Filled with people or an empty nest

…is where support is unconditional

Warm words, best wishes, sincere thoughts are traditional

…is a haven and place in which to gather together

To host guests and have company, anything else would not be better

…is filled with many memories and pictures taken

For years to come, my home, my heart, my life not forsaken

By Donna

9/10/2010

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HAPPY ANNIVERSARY PLACE MAT

Posted by Donna |

Honored Guests,

Thank you for joining us today

It is our privilege may we say

To celebrate the 45^th anniversary of which we partake

Through thick and thin, in sickness and in health their love does not forsake

Sharing stories and reminiscing about events long ago

Brings many tears of happiness and warm wishes for tomorrow

May we eat, dance, and have conversation

And give thanks to all for knowing a couple’s unending love and dedication

Finding anything more beautiful is difficult conceiving

Two hearts, one life, true love they are achieving

Now, let us continue to enjoy the evening

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EXPECTATIONS

Posted by Donna |

I expect to hit a home run every time I’m at bat,

I ruminate over every pound, every ounce, wondering whether I am fat,

I ponder if I can stretch another inch to finally reach that pose on the yoga mat,

-You know what? – I’m more that all that!!

I expect others to treat me as them I treat,

Is it I ask, too lofty, too much to meet?

Promises that are made, I expect them to be kept,

When they are not, I am hurt, disappointed; and apologies, I find hard to accept.

Where is it, I ask myself that I came to know,

Where to draw the line, set my limits, not too high or too low?

Was it influenced by my environment, in my genes or taught by example?

These expectations I desire to be realistic from my Wise Mind with new ideas to sample.

Donna

6-28-2010

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BECAUSE I KNOW NOT IF TOMORROW WILL EVER COME

Posted by Donna |

Because I know not if tomorrow will ever come,

I will not waste appreciating a moment under God’s given sun.

Because I know not if tomorrow will ever come,

I will do today my very best,

To you my Maker, I leave the rest.

I will not forget those who do for me,

For on Judgment Day You, I know, will repay my fee.

To this day I count my blessings one by one,

For the love of You, is too high, no price, no sum.

On these battlegrounds of earth and dirt,

My humanity, my flaws, my image is raw and hurt.

May I ask that You arise my spirit and You continue,

That You awaken me tomorrow and create yet another venue.

6/27/2010

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BREAKING RULES AND MEASUREMENT TOOLS

Posted by Donna |

Anorexia nervosa had many a subtle yet demanding rule

It dictated how many times my food to chew

Obsessions with body image and preoccupation with weight, to name just a few

It had me tight in its grip, to survive I had to overcome them, I knew

Many years of therapy and introspection

I finally began to move in the right direction

Becoming more like myself, not retreating instead showing more affection

One of my downfalls was the attempt to achieve perfection

Extremely high standards by which I live

These guidelines I had to modify, they had to give

With positive self talk and affirmations to which I was attentive

In the present moment, I had to alter my perspective

With kind friends and family support

I was able to change my disposition and rapport

The eating disorder was no longer my enemy or cohort

Finally feelings of freedom and empowerment, I was able to report

Such an infliction upon my worst enemy I would not wish

Instead I ate mindfully, the food on my dish

All these new found opportunities, I eventually came to relish

With this thought my gratitude, my growth, I desire to always cherish

width="320" />

By Donna

September 15, 2010

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A REBIRTHING EXPERIENCE

Posted by Donna |

To let the disease win

After such a long time, wouldn’t that be a sin

I’m trying to remember that it is a bout

Although all I want to do is cry and shout

Because in you I trust to get me to a healthier space

I’ve made the phone call, my thoughts in an attempt to displace

Will this strategy be effective?

Will it invoke a change is perspective?

I know that you will not lead me astray

These vivid nightmares I wish will stop I pray

To get to the bottom of what is bothering me down deep

My safety, my sanity, my freedom I wish to keep

For I believe you will discover the link

Of what it is I am trying to express or think

To me it is the bad dreams that I recall

I will not empower them though I wish to end it all

Engaging is self-injury and suicidal ideation

I wish to partake in burning myself, a form of ablation

To continue to fight against flashbacks

I will not give in to these negative attacks

Though I wish the physical and emotional pain to end

This is not the final message I wish to send

To be happy I do not want to pretend

May I finally heal and begin to mend

I want to know that these feelings will be a thing of the past

That tomorrow will bring relief at last

For now I will find a safe place to be

Another day, things will be different hopefully – I’ll just wait and see

Thank you for all the sound advice

With myself I desire to be gentle and nice

And with these closing thoughts I’ll say good night

For I have not given in, instead I have put up a good fight

Tomorrow is my Mom’s birthday

I miss her so much in heaven, to her my best I say

It is difficult to say goodbye

Maybe that’s the real reason I wish to die

Now I find myself crying

For these reasons, I will continue trying

10:06pm

09/15/2010

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UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT

Posted by Donna |

My words are not forced

They are not practiced or rehearsed

Thanking you for letting me be in control and make a decision

I’ll use my instinct and best judgment, this I envision

Being empowered to make a choice

Lets me discover my own voice

The topics on which I focus my attention

Have been selected on purpose, not by convention

Though they may seem to be chosen at random

They flow from my heart, not reckless abandon

Our time together seems so short

I appreciate the welcoming environment and the support

Sometimes it is a rhetorical question

Is all that is needed is an attentive ear in which to listen

There may be no answers, no rhyme or reason

To me, it may be just the change of season

Instead of spending time to discover why

It may be appropriate just to feel and cry

In awe I am that my just muttering a word

You make me realize that I have been heard

This is all that I need for now

Ability to move forward, it does allow.

September 16, 2010

10:42am

Written to thank my psychologist with much gratitude

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TIMING IS EVERYTHING

Posted by Donna |

We have many topics on which to touch

I desire to take my time and not rush

Each is important in its own right

Our time together seems so tight

I know that in each you are genuinely interested

The subjects seem to intertwine, to be nested

This should not come as a surprise

Because by practicing awareness I have become more wise

To allow them to ebb and flow

Some light-hearted, others serious, this I know

Approaching them at a slow pace will keep me alive

width="441" />Balance and moderation, this is for what I strive

September 16, 2010

10:53 am

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AN AWAKENING

Posted by Donna |

The more I sit and write

The better I feel when it becomes night

Each morning I awaken to the sun

In astonishment of all that I have done

As the hours and minutes pass

I have an important job, a monumental task

To work on myself and growth to make

Areas for improvement, to these, changes I undertake

The work is difficult and laborious

Sometimes I get stuck, and with myself, become angry and furious

To have respect for the process

Is something I need to keep in mind when I am under a lot of stress

To recall many difficult times that I did survive

I will continue to make progress and to thrive

September 16, 2010

11:03am

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Donna's Poetry

It is What It is

All Smiles

PATCHING UP THE WHOLE OF MY LIFE

FORGET ME KNOT

AN ILLUSION OF CONFUSION

TECHNICOLOR

SUMMARY OF EB SUPPORT GROUP POEM (09-11-10)

PROCESS TO PROGRESS 2

MY DREAM HOME

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY PLACE MAT

EXPECTATIONS

BECAUSE I KNOW NOT IF TOMORROW WILL EVER COME

BREAKING RULES AND MEASUREMENT TOOLS

A REBIRTHING EXPERIENCE

UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT

TIMING IS EVERYTHING

AN AWAKENING

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